Last night I joined the ranks of
Facebook. My Mother dragged me there, a recent retiree who has found this the perfect place to connect with long-lost cousins and show off photos of her new boat. My hesitancy was mainly because I already feel so over-obligated by daily requests on Plaxo, LinkedInand the like, but I was told THIS is personal. No business allowed. Ok. So I shrugged of the tinge of embarrassment from being brought into a new technology by my Mom, and began scouring for that perfect photo to show my mug to friends.
The first thing that happened was I found someone I’d not seen in 10 years, now living in Michigan. I immediately asked her to be my friend and now I know everything about her again. I’ve seen pictures of her two kids, read that she was reading a book to her youngest RIGHT NOW, and immediately felt “in sync” all over. I sent her a note saying hi and suggested I’d give her a call today to catch up. But today, as I sit here typing this, I wonder if my suggestion to call was overkill – after all, I already know everything I need, and calling may make me seem a bit desperate. What am I, a stalker?
Then I found a good friend’s Dad I’d enjoyed visiting last time I was back in California. As I think about my Facebook relationship with him, perhaps I’ll be less hesitant to call him up next time I’m in town for breakfast or something. I’m going to chock that one up to a plus for Facebook. Fear reduction in reaching out to those when you have a purpose.
But overall, my take is this.
On the one hand its sort of comforting to know your friends are sitting in their sweats eating ice cream typing away AT THIS VERY MOMENT just like you… but wouldn’t it have been better for us both to pick up the phone to catch up – or better yet go take a hike together rather than sharing pictures of our dogs over the Internet?
As I share my pictures of my summer trip to Budapest and talk of good times I’m having… I wonder if the pictures I’m putting here represent me or just represent what I want people to see. I’m not going to mention the horrible day at the office or the deep rifts growing inside my marriage (don’t worry, just an example). But as we plug more and more into the online, I find less and less time to have those honest conversations with those I truly DO find to be my friends.
Its Like Having Air Friends
Perhaps I feel connected to my newly rekindled friends like fanatical football fans feel to one another about their given team. Yes, we have something deep in common, but do you really know me or do you just know what I choose to portray as my life? And if we’re really daily friends, I’ve already SEEN your pictures when I came over for dinner and you TOLD me about your trip.
For some levels of friendship in this increasingly global community that is as much as we can hope for. For keeping in sync with loved ones far away, its great. And for those who have touched our lives in some way in the past, it’s a way for us to keep some semblance of knowledge about their world.
But as I look at how I spend my time these days, something is unnerving about how many hours I spend in front of a computer screen instead of enjoying the great outdoors and connecting real-time with others. And from what your Facebook profile tells me, I sense I’m not alone.
Ok that’s enough jibber for today. After all, it’s Thanksgiving. I’d better log back into Facebook and see who’s wished me a happy holiday.
Yes, I suppose technology has its downside. On the one hand, it’s great that we can find out what our loved ones are thinking and how they are spending their days more efficiently than in the days when you had to call them to find out (MAYBE every couple of weeks if you’re lucky). Then when you did finally get ahold of them (when they weren’t working or otherwise occupied or screening their calls), you only heard the big highlights. Not the wonderful minutiae we learn through our friends’ Facebook status updates. Another benefit is that at least while you’re on your laptop responding to 150 e-mails or researching the latest trends in cloud computing, now you can find out that I’ve indeed finished decorating the house for Xmas and am enjoying a nice glass of boxed wine, or that another friend is re-prioritizing her interests in life or needs a good recipe for gluten-free pancakes. It’s like a little touch of love sent over the ether to disrupt the daily tedium of worklife. On the other hand, it does feel like an unhealthy addiction. It sucks us in and then pretty soon we’ll just stop meeting for happy hour or going for walks with friends because they just seem so much more interesting captured in 140-character Twitter microbursts, instead of the long drawn-out version in person.
I hope to see YOU in person very soon! I still like the real-life Wendy better!